I discovered to my horror, yesterday, that I've almost run out of annual leave. I also discovered that I only booked one week's leave in July when we've booked and paid for a 2 week holiday and I've had to put in a request for the 2nd week. I sincerely hope the request goes through or all hell is going to break loose Chez Jester. The problem is, and I think I've mentioned it before, our Resource Planning Team is mainly comprised of petty gauleiters, who enjoy nothing more than refusing leave on the grounds of staffing levels and moaning about how much time we spend on "After Call". It's my mistake though, so I'm going to have to sort it out.
I heard from an ex-Jester this morning, who has moved further up north and now works in a call centre up there. He sent me some amusing things he overheard at work recently. I sincerely hope the quotees were joking but you can't always be sure. Here they are:
Where does wind come from? Is it made by those wind turbines?
Was Jesus around at the time of the dinosaurs?
It's great, isn't it?
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Glass v Polycarbonate
Please read this if you haven't already and sign the petition. It is truly a worthy cause. My heart goes out to Blake and his family.
Monday, 25 June 2007
Not in my name
My husband told me yesterday that Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death. You can follow this link to the story on BBC News if you want. I find it very disturbing indeed because I thought the whole idea of the "liberation" of Iraq was so that the Iraqi people could have a Western style democracy. I can't see where hanging, or any other form of execution, comes into it at all. Now, I know the US has a federal death penalty and that 38 of the 50 States have the death penalty bu then I really am unable to think of the US as a true democracy because of it.
I am proud to be part of the EU because of its unequivocal opposition to the death penalty. No country can become part of the EU unless it has first abolished it. I could not live in a country which executes its criminals, no matter how heinous the crime. People sometimes asks me how I would feel if my daughter had been murdered by, for instance, Ian Huntley. I cannot even begin to imagine how that would feel but I do not believe that it is a valid argument for the death penalty. My opinion would not count in such circumstances, anyway. How could I possibly have a balanced opinion if my daughter had been murdered?
Some of these people have told me that they would happily pull the lever, administer the lethal injection or pull the trigger on child killers. That always puts me in mind of a story I heard about Heinrich Himmler. He had gone to watch the mass killing of Jews in Poland. At that point, they were still being shot and he was said to have vomited after some brains from one victim splashed onto his coat. So, don't say "I'd happily execute them" until you know what it entails.
My opposition to the death penalty is not well thought out anyway. I simply believe that nobody has the right to take the life of another human being for any reason whatsoever. We're only on this planet for a very short time. To terminate a life before it has been completed is a dreadful thing to do. I don't believe in any form of afterlife. I don't believe that there is retribution waiting for "evil-doers" in some kind of firy hell or reward for "good" people in heaven. As far as I am aware, you are born, you live, you die. Full Stop. So how can we possibly justify the killing of anybody.
So to get back to Chemical Ali, he had no right to order the killing of the Kurds in 1988 but neither does anybody have the right to order his killing. He is on this earth for his short allotted span and, no matter how bad he has been, he should be allowed to complete it.
I am proud to be part of the EU because of its unequivocal opposition to the death penalty. No country can become part of the EU unless it has first abolished it. I could not live in a country which executes its criminals, no matter how heinous the crime. People sometimes asks me how I would feel if my daughter had been murdered by, for instance, Ian Huntley. I cannot even begin to imagine how that would feel but I do not believe that it is a valid argument for the death penalty. My opinion would not count in such circumstances, anyway. How could I possibly have a balanced opinion if my daughter had been murdered?
Some of these people have told me that they would happily pull the lever, administer the lethal injection or pull the trigger on child killers. That always puts me in mind of a story I heard about Heinrich Himmler. He had gone to watch the mass killing of Jews in Poland. At that point, they were still being shot and he was said to have vomited after some brains from one victim splashed onto his coat. So, don't say "I'd happily execute them" until you know what it entails.
My opposition to the death penalty is not well thought out anyway. I simply believe that nobody has the right to take the life of another human being for any reason whatsoever. We're only on this planet for a very short time. To terminate a life before it has been completed is a dreadful thing to do. I don't believe in any form of afterlife. I don't believe that there is retribution waiting for "evil-doers" in some kind of firy hell or reward for "good" people in heaven. As far as I am aware, you are born, you live, you die. Full Stop. So how can we possibly justify the killing of anybody.
So to get back to Chemical Ali, he had no right to order the killing of the Kurds in 1988 but neither does anybody have the right to order his killing. He is on this earth for his short allotted span and, no matter how bad he has been, he should be allowed to complete it.
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Jester, Pennywise, Jessica and Smokey Robinson
Pennywise is due back at work today. I'm not holding my breath and we will see. I'm not going in today either because my youngest daughter, Bobbie, has a hospital appointment and, to be frank, Bobbie's health is more important than the Dark Satanic Mill.
For any of you who are interested, Bobbie has Henoch Schonlein Purpura and presents the following symptoms: purpuric rash, joint inflammation and pain, stomach pain and kidney problems. The last is why she is now under one of the leading kidney specialists in the country. Not only is he a superb doctor but he never talks down to Bobbie (who is 16) and has a great sense of humour too. Bobbie will get better in the end but it is a slow process. Poor kid.
Anyway, I've asked my great friend and adopted little sister, Goodwill Jessica, to let me know if Pennywise comes into work today. Some of you may wonder why I refer to her as my adopted little sister. I'm a youngest child, with two older sisters and when I was much, much younger than I am now, I used to yearn for a younger brother or sister. Unfortunately, this yearning never went away. I've always got on well with Jessica and during one of our many conversations we have had over the years, it transpired that she is the eldest of four girls and always wanted a big sister. I think fate made us have that conversation and we adopted each other then and there.
Jessica and I work well together, which is useful because we both deal with high level complaints and after recent events, what we all needed most was teamwork. She is also a true friend to me and has been totally supportive to me at my lowest points. Unfortunately, like many jesters (and clowns) Smokey Robinson's immortal words apply quite well to me:
"Just like Pagliacci did / I try to keep my surface hid / Smiling in the crowd I try / But in a lonely room I cry / The tears of a clown"
I'm not lovelorn or anything, just a tad depressive and Jessica, being very sensitive to my moods, always knows what to do and when. I'm very, very lucky to have a friend like her and I hope that I can return the compliment as and when necessary.
For any of you who are interested, Bobbie has Henoch Schonlein Purpura and presents the following symptoms: purpuric rash, joint inflammation and pain, stomach pain and kidney problems. The last is why she is now under one of the leading kidney specialists in the country. Not only is he a superb doctor but he never talks down to Bobbie (who is 16) and has a great sense of humour too. Bobbie will get better in the end but it is a slow process. Poor kid.
Anyway, I've asked my great friend and adopted little sister, Goodwill Jessica, to let me know if Pennywise comes into work today. Some of you may wonder why I refer to her as my adopted little sister. I'm a youngest child, with two older sisters and when I was much, much younger than I am now, I used to yearn for a younger brother or sister. Unfortunately, this yearning never went away. I've always got on well with Jessica and during one of our many conversations we have had over the years, it transpired that she is the eldest of four girls and always wanted a big sister. I think fate made us have that conversation and we adopted each other then and there.
Jessica and I work well together, which is useful because we both deal with high level complaints and after recent events, what we all needed most was teamwork. She is also a true friend to me and has been totally supportive to me at my lowest points. Unfortunately, like many jesters (and clowns) Smokey Robinson's immortal words apply quite well to me:
"Just like Pagliacci did / I try to keep my surface hid / Smiling in the crowd I try / But in a lonely room I cry / The tears of a clown"
I'm not lovelorn or anything, just a tad depressive and Jessica, being very sensitive to my moods, always knows what to do and when. I'm very, very lucky to have a friend like her and I hope that I can return the compliment as and when necessary.
Friday, 22 June 2007
Jester, Her Chair and the Unusual Customer
I nearly fell off my chair on Wednesday...
Actually, let's rewind that and make it a bit more dramatic...
I fell off my chair on Wednesday. I'm a High Level or Complex Jester and deal with complaints that have been addressed to our Managing Director or Chief Executive Officer amongst other things. So, not unsurprisingly, I was asked to respond to a complaint on Monday from somebody who had decided to write to an Important Person at the Dark Satanic Mill.
I spoke to him briefly on the Monday and agreed to ring him back on the Wednesday because his toilet was going to be repaired on the Tuesday. He seemed a nice enough chap at the time.
So, on Wednesday, I rang him back and we chatted a while and I told him all the things I would do to make sure he would not receive such poor service next time (one of the things we could do is to remove some of contractors from our Network [but not the ones who read this blog!]). Mr Customer seemed quite confident that feeding his issues back to the relevant managers (I'm really getting the hang of Mill Newspeak now) would have the desired effect and so we turned to the thorny issue of Com-pen-sa-tion. We call it the C-word - a little in-joke for jesters all over the English-speaking world.
I offered an amount, not much, but a little higher than I thought his complaint merited. Going to the top ups the stakes usually. His answer left me speechless and on the floor, having fallen off my chair. He told me he did not want any money, he just wanted to know that we had done something about it.
I actually had to apologise for going silent and I was very honest with him. I told him that usually, when customers refuse a gesture of goodwill, it's because they don't think it's high enough. I had also gone silent because his answer had left me a bit short of breath with a funny fluttery feeling in my stomach. It is an unusual situation, you see, and I'm not well equipped to cope with it. I'm more used to having customers say things like "I'll see you in court" and some of them do actually carry out their threat, although they would probably be very disappointed not to see an insignificant little jester in the dock while the judge puts a black cap on his head and sentences her to a slow and painful death involving lots of money. I'm not sure who represents the Dark Satanic Mill at the Small Claims Court but it certainly not me or any of my fellow jesters.
Anyway, it was a pleasure to see a return to old values, you know the "I don't need money, it's just nice to know you're doing something about it" sort of thing.
I would also like to tell you that no chairs were harmed during the making of this blog.
Actually, let's rewind that and make it a bit more dramatic...
I fell off my chair on Wednesday. I'm a High Level or Complex Jester and deal with complaints that have been addressed to our Managing Director or Chief Executive Officer amongst other things. So, not unsurprisingly, I was asked to respond to a complaint on Monday from somebody who had decided to write to an Important Person at the Dark Satanic Mill.
I spoke to him briefly on the Monday and agreed to ring him back on the Wednesday because his toilet was going to be repaired on the Tuesday. He seemed a nice enough chap at the time.
So, on Wednesday, I rang him back and we chatted a while and I told him all the things I would do to make sure he would not receive such poor service next time (one of the things we could do is to remove some of contractors from our Network [but not the ones who read this blog!]). Mr Customer seemed quite confident that feeding his issues back to the relevant managers (I'm really getting the hang of Mill Newspeak now) would have the desired effect and so we turned to the thorny issue of Com-pen-sa-tion. We call it the C-word - a little in-joke for jesters all over the English-speaking world.
I offered an amount, not much, but a little higher than I thought his complaint merited. Going to the top ups the stakes usually. His answer left me speechless and on the floor, having fallen off my chair. He told me he did not want any money, he just wanted to know that we had done something about it.
I actually had to apologise for going silent and I was very honest with him. I told him that usually, when customers refuse a gesture of goodwill, it's because they don't think it's high enough. I had also gone silent because his answer had left me a bit short of breath with a funny fluttery feeling in my stomach. It is an unusual situation, you see, and I'm not well equipped to cope with it. I'm more used to having customers say things like "I'll see you in court" and some of them do actually carry out their threat, although they would probably be very disappointed not to see an insignificant little jester in the dock while the judge puts a black cap on his head and sentences her to a slow and painful death involving lots of money. I'm not sure who represents the Dark Satanic Mill at the Small Claims Court but it certainly not me or any of my fellow jesters.
Anyway, it was a pleasure to see a return to old values, you know the "I don't need money, it's just nice to know you're doing something about it" sort of thing.
I would also like to tell you that no chairs were harmed during the making of this blog.
Thursday, 21 June 2007
Jester and blocked e-mails
I love e-mail admin. It's great fun. I sent the Dark Satanic Mill's Dignity at Work policy home by e-mail so I could refer to it when writing my last blog and the company's mail marshal blocked it because the policy contains the word "sex". Oooh, how rude! I went through the e-mail and substituted S's with 5s and it got through. Machines aren't as clever as people are they? I then tried to send the e-mail which had alerted me to the blocked mail and that was blocked too! Here it is:
-----Original Message-----From: mmadmin@darksatanicmillplc.com [mailto:mmadmin@darksatanicmillplc.com ] Sent: 19 June 2007 15:02To: [No, you're not having my e-mail address!] Subject: Your e-mail message was blockedMailMarshal (an automated content monitoring gateway) has stopped the following email for the following reason:It believes it may contain unacceptable language, or inappropriate material. Message: B000db40ed.00000001.mml From: [No, you're not having my e-mail address!] To: [No, you're not having my e-mail address!] Subject: Rod Please remove any inappropriate language and send it again.The blocked email will be automatically deleted after 1 day.MailMarshal Rule: Content Security (Outbound) : Block Unacceptable LanguageScript Offensive Language (Basic) Triggered in BodyExpression: sex Triggered 1 times weighting 5Email Content Security provided by NetIQ MailMarshal.
Okay, it's a bit heavy reading but it amused me at the time. Oh and please don't try the e-mail addresses. I hope they don't exist but if they do, they're not for the place where I work.
Thanks.
Jester
xx
-----Original Message-----From: mmadmin@darksatanicmillplc.com [mailto:mmadmin@darksatanicmillplc.com ] Sent: 19 June 2007 15:02To: [No, you're not having my e-mail address!] Subject: Your e-mail message was blockedMailMarshal (an automated content monitoring gateway) has stopped the following email for the following reason:It believes it may contain unacceptable language, or inappropriate material. Message: B000db40ed.00000001.mml From: [No, you're not having my e-mail address!] To: [No, you're not having my e-mail address!] Subject: Rod Please remove any inappropriate language and send it again.The blocked email will be automatically deleted after 1 day.MailMarshal Rule: Content Security (Outbound) : Block Unacceptable LanguageScript Offensive Language (Basic) Triggered in BodyExpression: sex Triggered 1 times weighting 5Email Content Security provided by NetIQ MailMarshal.
Okay, it's a bit heavy reading but it amused me at the time. Oh and please don't try the e-mail addresses. I hope they don't exist but if they do, they're not for the place where I work.
Thanks.
Jester
xx
Jester and the Dignity at Work Policy
A couple of weeks ago, we were sent our Dignity at Work policy by e-mail. This was to be "cascaded" to anybody without e-mail accounts so that everybody would have to obey the rules. By the way, I love office-speak. Don't say pass, say cascade. It's a bit like Newspeak in 1984, if a (tiny) bit less sinister. This policy has caused much amusement in the Complaints Department in the Dark Satanic Mill because we're now not allowed to take the piss out of each other in case we offend:
a) each other,
b) the powers that be or
c) some over-sensitive, bleeding heart liberal who just happens to be in earshot.
Great. I'm now no longer allowed to tell my Team Manager that Jasper is coming over all queer. Jasper is no longer allowed to call me Dolly Looselegs (and yes, it is a slanderous nickname). He's not allowed to call Mr Grumpy Grandad and I'm not allowed to call Mr Grumpy Mr Grumpy and, as my Manager said so unhappily, she's no longer allowed to call me a Lanky Streak of anything.
The really sad thing is that, although there are some words that are really beyond the pale and I would hesitate to use them in this blog, even as examples, others are used as badges of pride. Jasper does not mind me saying he's coming over all queer again (I sometimes use the plural, which makes him scream with laughter) or calling him a poof. He regularly refers to himself as a poof but taking the piss out of each other can be a very strong indication of how much a member of the team you are. It can show acceptance of the highest order. Jessina is not offended when I tell her she has a big gob. For a start, it's true, she does, but also she knows that I have the confidence to tell her that when I'm white and she's asian. She also has the confidence to take the piss out of me in return. That has to be a good thing.
So, let's rewrite the dignity at work policy and keep it simple:
Don't be offensive
Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself
Keep your sense of humour
and don't forget to tell the Gay Ian Paisley the Irish Electrician joke at least twice a year.
a) each other,
b) the powers that be or
c) some over-sensitive, bleeding heart liberal who just happens to be in earshot.
Great. I'm now no longer allowed to tell my Team Manager that Jasper is coming over all queer. Jasper is no longer allowed to call me Dolly Looselegs (and yes, it is a slanderous nickname). He's not allowed to call Mr Grumpy Grandad and I'm not allowed to call Mr Grumpy Mr Grumpy and, as my Manager said so unhappily, she's no longer allowed to call me a Lanky Streak of anything.
The really sad thing is that, although there are some words that are really beyond the pale and I would hesitate to use them in this blog, even as examples, others are used as badges of pride. Jasper does not mind me saying he's coming over all queer again (I sometimes use the plural, which makes him scream with laughter) or calling him a poof. He regularly refers to himself as a poof but taking the piss out of each other can be a very strong indication of how much a member of the team you are. It can show acceptance of the highest order. Jessina is not offended when I tell her she has a big gob. For a start, it's true, she does, but also she knows that I have the confidence to tell her that when I'm white and she's asian. She also has the confidence to take the piss out of me in return. That has to be a good thing.
So, let's rewrite the dignity at work policy and keep it simple:
Don't be offensive
Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself
Keep your sense of humour
and don't forget to tell the Gay Ian Paisley the Irish Electrician joke at least twice a year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)