I have been posting blogs on this site and another for some time. I have now decided that I want to reduce the time taken to blog (by about 1½ minutes or so) because I have so little time on our home computer so I regret that from now on, I will no longer post my blogs on this site. You can still read Tales from the Dark Satanic Mill at the address below:
http://goodwilljester.wordpress.com
Sorry, Blogspot.
Wednesday 1 August 2007
Thursday 12 July 2007
Sir Topham Hat's departure continued.
Well, the dust has had a bit of time to settle at the Dark Satanic Mill and we're getting used to the idea of not having a Fat Controller around anymore. I am still quite ambivalent about it all. I never liked the man and, as long as nobody emerges to take his place, it will be a more comfortable Satanic Mill in which to work. There is a "but" here; I am still uncomfortable about the way he departed.
Yesterday, I asked one of our Team Managers if she knew the story. She said that she has heard that he was told by the new Customer Operations Director that his job had ceased to exist and it was suggested that he and the company go their separate ways. Well, actually, the company would stay put and the Fat Controller would leave. I think leaving was one alternative but I don't have a clue what the other one was and it may be that he didn't either. Maybe he was asked to go on the phones with the rest of the hoi polloi. That would have been an interesting experience for him.
I'm sure the Fat Controller has got a nice redundancy package and will find somewhere else to use his man-management skills and new staff on whom to exercise his charm. There is to be no replacement, although there has been a slight restructure within the Mill, with even more Chiefs to lord it over the Indians.
I think I might have said this before but Plus c'est la même chose, plus ça change.
Yesterday, I asked one of our Team Managers if she knew the story. She said that she has heard that he was told by the new Customer Operations Director that his job had ceased to exist and it was suggested that he and the company go their separate ways. Well, actually, the company would stay put and the Fat Controller would leave. I think leaving was one alternative but I don't have a clue what the other one was and it may be that he didn't either. Maybe he was asked to go on the phones with the rest of the hoi polloi. That would have been an interesting experience for him.
I'm sure the Fat Controller has got a nice redundancy package and will find somewhere else to use his man-management skills and new staff on whom to exercise his charm. There is to be no replacement, although there has been a slight restructure within the Mill, with even more Chiefs to lord it over the Indians.
I think I might have said this before but Plus c'est la même chose, plus ça change.
Tuesday 10 July 2007
Jester bids Farewell to the Fat Controller.
It is with great regret that I have to announce the departure from the Dark Satanic Mill of Mad Eye Moody aka The Fat Controller.Yesterday, when I came into work, rumours were already doing the rounds that he had left the company. The first rumour I heard was that he had had a disagreement with the new Customer Operations Director on Friday and had been suspended. I later heard that he had been sacked and then that he had walked out.
Today, we received an e-mail confirming his departure. Here is the announcement so you can see just how specious (thanks to my husband for coming up with the word) and hypocritical (my word) business announcements can be:
I announce that [Sir Topham Hat], Director of Claims Management for [the Dark Satanic Mill], has decided to move on to pursue other opportunities outside the [Satanic Mill] Group.
As a result of proposed changes to our operational structure, I have agreed with [Topham] that he will not be required to continue to support the operation and therefore this takes place with immediate effect.
I am sure that you will join me in thanking [Topham] for his effort and commitment to [the Dark Satanic Mill] over the past 2 and a half years and we wish him every success for the future.
IK
Customer Operations Director
(I would like to apologise for the poor quality of this announcement. Had I composed it, it would have been far more pleasant to read.)
Now, there was no love lost between the Fat Controller and me and I am not sad to see him go (in fact I have been experiencing the most base schadenfreude imaginable about it all day) but I am a tad uncomfortable about it all. There is a genuinely Machiavellian feel to all this and I am confident that the first rumour I heard, was the closest one to the truth. Clash of personalities or not, I get the feeling that the Dark Satanic Mill was not big enough for the two big men.
What is more, with the Fat Controller gone, I have lost a valuable source of stories for this blog. That is a real shame.
Saturday 7 July 2007
Jester, Annual Leave and Amusing Quotes, a Postscript
I mentioned in a previous blog that I had almost run out of Annual Leave. It was a great worry to me at the time because it meant that I would not be able to take any time off over Christmas and would not be able to go and visit my family, who live a long way away from me. I shouldn't have worried. It was simply our Resource Planning Department showing me just how many brain cells they have between them.
I smelled a rat when I totted up just how much leave I have taken to be with Bobbie when she goes to clinic. I've been at the Dark Satanic Mill for over 11 years now and my leave entitlement has gone up to the maximum, 216 hours. After some rapid mental arithmetic, I realised that they had got my entitlement wrong and had put me down as having 134 hours. Now, I really don't know how they managed to calculate it but I'm sure it involved an Excel Spreadsheet.
I let my manager know and she passed on the message. I soon had a revised Holiday Sheet in front of me. They had realised their mistake and had increased my annual entitlement to... wait for it... 162 hours! Well, they were getting there. I let my manager know they still hadn't got it right but she asked me if she could let them know the following morning. She didn't like to tax their brain cell too much in one day.
After a quick reminder the following day, they finally got their act together and I have a Holiday Sheet with the correct entitlement of 216 hours showing. This means that instead of 1 hours leave to last me until April 1 2008, I now have somewhere in the region of 75 hours. It is worrying though. I really should have spotted it earlier.
I can also confirm that I have been given the last week in July that I had rather stupidly forgotten to request and so the breaking loose of All Hell Chez Jester has been averted. I feel a bit like Doctor Who after defeating yet another seemingly invincible opponent.
I smelled a rat when I totted up just how much leave I have taken to be with Bobbie when she goes to clinic. I've been at the Dark Satanic Mill for over 11 years now and my leave entitlement has gone up to the maximum, 216 hours. After some rapid mental arithmetic, I realised that they had got my entitlement wrong and had put me down as having 134 hours. Now, I really don't know how they managed to calculate it but I'm sure it involved an Excel Spreadsheet.
I let my manager know and she passed on the message. I soon had a revised Holiday Sheet in front of me. They had realised their mistake and had increased my annual entitlement to... wait for it... 162 hours! Well, they were getting there. I let my manager know they still hadn't got it right but she asked me if she could let them know the following morning. She didn't like to tax their brain cell too much in one day.
After a quick reminder the following day, they finally got their act together and I have a Holiday Sheet with the correct entitlement of 216 hours showing. This means that instead of 1 hours leave to last me until April 1 2008, I now have somewhere in the region of 75 hours. It is worrying though. I really should have spotted it earlier.
I can also confirm that I have been given the last week in July that I had rather stupidly forgotten to request and so the breaking loose of All Hell Chez Jester has been averted. I feel a bit like Doctor Who after defeating yet another seemingly invincible opponent.
Jester, the Gay Gordons, Nasreddin and being Politically Correct
I very briefly mentioned the Gay Gordons in my last blog. It was the briefest of introductions and it really does not do them justice. They are a gay couple and both have the same given name (hence the Gay Gordons). They have been in the Complaints Department for roughly the same time and they are two of the nicest men I know (and Gordon H is likely to read this so I'm telling the truth, Gordon, you are!) I refer to Gordon H as my Gay Lover because when we went to our former colleague's retirement do, Gordon snogged me after a slight misunderstanding. I'm pretty certain Gordon B was watching at the time but he never seemed put out at the time. He's always been an absolute sweetie to me too.
Gordon H sits next to Goodwill Gary and they're currently learning Urdu from a number of "teachers", including Jessina. They are actually doing a good job of it too. I'm quite impressed by their fluency. They do seem to be interested in words for body parts though. They are constantly laughing and joking, which is generally frowned upon in the Dark Satanic Mill, but they really liven the place up. Nowadays, frequently in Urdu.
I was at lunch with the Gay Gordons, Mr Grumpy, Jeannie, Jessica and various other Jesters when the first incident of political correctness occurred. Mr Grumpy put a slice of cucumber over each eye (he was eating a salad at the time). He took them off and ate them and then turned to his fellow diners and asked "What do they do, anyway?" He was referring to the cucumber slices so I said "They reduce puffiness. Don't give them to Gordon." Gordon was amused. Gordon B was relieved. We really couldn't do with Gordon's puffiness being reduced after all.
The second coup for Political Correctness was when I told Nasreddin a joke. Nasreddin is fantastic. He works from 4pm to 8pm because he has to care for his chronically ill wife. He looks just like the Hood from Thunderbirds (the puppet, not Ben Kingsley from the live action film) and doesn't seem to mind me telling him so. I should also stress that he is an Indian Muslim. On Thursday, I told him I was going to take a risk and tell him a joke. I said he was entitled to report me to HR if he was offended. At that point, he started smiling. I told him a joke that had caused a great deal of controversy a few months ago. The one about suicide bombers.
Nasreddin has a great sense of humour and the main butt of his jokes are himself, Indians and Asians in general. Still, I was slightly worried. It's a calculated risk but I shouldn't have been so concerned. He roared with laughter and then said "Oh yes, I am going to HR about that one!" I don't think he did because there have been no repercussions.
My point is to be truly inclusive you have to take risks. True friendship has firm foundations and taking the piss or telling slightly risky jokes will not shake them. I hope that I have proved that the Gay Gordons and Nasreddin are true friends. I feel very lucky when I hear the banter going on around me between Straights, Whites, Asians, Gays (sorry, Gay men and Lesbians) and any other "group" you can think of. We are a reasonably close knit group in our Department and I'm happy to be part of it.
Gordon H sits next to Goodwill Gary and they're currently learning Urdu from a number of "teachers", including Jessina. They are actually doing a good job of it too. I'm quite impressed by their fluency. They do seem to be interested in words for body parts though. They are constantly laughing and joking, which is generally frowned upon in the Dark Satanic Mill, but they really liven the place up. Nowadays, frequently in Urdu.
I was at lunch with the Gay Gordons, Mr Grumpy, Jeannie, Jessica and various other Jesters when the first incident of political correctness occurred. Mr Grumpy put a slice of cucumber over each eye (he was eating a salad at the time). He took them off and ate them and then turned to his fellow diners and asked "What do they do, anyway?" He was referring to the cucumber slices so I said "They reduce puffiness. Don't give them to Gordon." Gordon was amused. Gordon B was relieved. We really couldn't do with Gordon's puffiness being reduced after all.
The second coup for Political Correctness was when I told Nasreddin a joke. Nasreddin is fantastic. He works from 4pm to 8pm because he has to care for his chronically ill wife. He looks just like the Hood from Thunderbirds (the puppet, not Ben Kingsley from the live action film) and doesn't seem to mind me telling him so. I should also stress that he is an Indian Muslim. On Thursday, I told him I was going to take a risk and tell him a joke. I said he was entitled to report me to HR if he was offended. At that point, he started smiling. I told him a joke that had caused a great deal of controversy a few months ago. The one about suicide bombers.
Nasreddin has a great sense of humour and the main butt of his jokes are himself, Indians and Asians in general. Still, I was slightly worried. It's a calculated risk but I shouldn't have been so concerned. He roared with laughter and then said "Oh yes, I am going to HR about that one!" I don't think he did because there have been no repercussions.
My point is to be truly inclusive you have to take risks. True friendship has firm foundations and taking the piss or telling slightly risky jokes will not shake them. I hope that I have proved that the Gay Gordons and Nasreddin are true friends. I feel very lucky when I hear the banter going on around me between Straights, Whites, Asians, Gays (sorry, Gay men and Lesbians) and any other "group" you can think of. We are a reasonably close knit group in our Department and I'm happy to be part of it.
Jay, Pennywise and the Dark Satanic Mill
Jay's been off work for a while; he's had surgery on his foot. I've got his mobile number so we keep in touch occasionally by text while he was off. He came back to work on Thursday and called me over while I was on my way to the brown water machine. I asked him, as I have asked countless times before, if he has heard about his disciplinary. He answered in the same repetitive manner that he hasn't. I have looked on the Internet to see if there is any time limit for an employer to take action after a disciplinary but, as far as I can see, there is none.
Pennywise came into work yesterday for a meeting with Human Resources. While he was in the office, he chatted to Jessica and our managers and finally to Jackie. He did not even look at me. I'm not sure why. Maybe he's been reading this blog.
I may have explained that Pennywise is a born again Christian and so is Jackie. He had brought in a couple of books that he found interesting and was discussing them with Jackie. I was talking to Gary and one of the Gay Gordons at the time. Gordon was especially annoyed because Pennywise is still off sick and has been signed off for at least one more month and possibly two and was now in the office distracting various jesters from their work. While we were talking/slagging Pennywise off, Goodwill Josie came over to join us. She said "He's got his holy books with him. One of them's called How to Walk on Water. They're going on about how great they are. It's sickening."
I find it disturbing, myself. I've never really been able to trust born again Christians. They always want to convert me to their mad religion. Give me empirical proof that God exists and I might start to believe but I can't guarantee that I will believe in Jehovah. I'm more likely to go for a pantheon. I've always been an exponent of the view "Jack of all trades; Master of none."
Pennywise left after his discussion with Jackie. He had been in the Mill for 2½ hours. Add that to the 2½ days he has worked since 20th April and it really doesn't amount to much. He told Jessica that he's being treated for depression. He also said that his doctor told him that depression tends to affect highly intelligent people. I'm sure it does, I suffer from it myself (and still come into work every day) but I'm absolutely sure that suffering from depression does not automatically mean you're highly intelligent. Well, not unless you're called Jester, anyway.
Pennywise came into work yesterday for a meeting with Human Resources. While he was in the office, he chatted to Jessica and our managers and finally to Jackie. He did not even look at me. I'm not sure why. Maybe he's been reading this blog.
I may have explained that Pennywise is a born again Christian and so is Jackie. He had brought in a couple of books that he found interesting and was discussing them with Jackie. I was talking to Gary and one of the Gay Gordons at the time. Gordon was especially annoyed because Pennywise is still off sick and has been signed off for at least one more month and possibly two and was now in the office distracting various jesters from their work. While we were talking/slagging Pennywise off, Goodwill Josie came over to join us. She said "He's got his holy books with him. One of them's called How to Walk on Water. They're going on about how great they are. It's sickening."
I find it disturbing, myself. I've never really been able to trust born again Christians. They always want to convert me to their mad religion. Give me empirical proof that God exists and I might start to believe but I can't guarantee that I will believe in Jehovah. I'm more likely to go for a pantheon. I've always been an exponent of the view "Jack of all trades; Master of none."
Pennywise left after his discussion with Jackie. He had been in the Mill for 2½ hours. Add that to the 2½ days he has worked since 20th April and it really doesn't amount to much. He told Jessica that he's being treated for depression. He also said that his doctor told him that depression tends to affect highly intelligent people. I'm sure it does, I suffer from it myself (and still come into work every day) but I'm absolutely sure that suffering from depression does not automatically mean you're highly intelligent. Well, not unless you're called Jester, anyway.
Monday 2 July 2007
Jester, Bobbie, her kidneys and the Resource Planner
Yesterday, I had to take my youngest daughter, Bobbie, to an out-patients appointment at the Renal Clinic at our local NHS Trust Hospital. I mentioned in an earlier blog that Bobbie has Henoch Schonlein Purpura (or HSP for short). The main area of concern is her kidneys and a recent blood test showed that her kidney function has deteriorated so the Doctor has put her on Steroids (with all the associated supportive drugs) and re-biopsied her kidney last Thursday. She was asked to come back into the clinic on Monday - i.e. yesterday.
My husband was not going to be able to take her, so on Friday I applied for 4 hours annual leave so I could take her. Our Resource Planners refused it, so I told my manager that I would have to take it as unpaid dependant leave. She was fine with that.
Yesterday, I took Bobbie to the clinic. The doctors increased her dose of Ramipril because her kidneys are still leaking protein into her urine. The consultant (not the usual one, who is on holiday) also told her that they are thinking of using Cyclophosphamide, which would suppress her immune system, which is causing all this trouble in the first place, or try a Plasma Interchange, which would entail removing the plasma from her blood and replacing it with new - a sort of human Power-Flush. Bobbie took this all in her stride. I have to say, I am really proud of her.
I went to work as soon as we got home and my manager had a little anecdote waiting for me. She was eager to tell me, it had amused her so much.
That morning, she had e-mailed our Resource Planners and asked them to mark me down as being on dependant leave for the morning. She had received an e-mail back saying that I should have taken it as annual leave. She replied that I had applied for annual leave but it had been refused (by the same resource planner). The reply then came from the head of our Resource Planning Department. He said that hospital appointments are made 6 weeks in advance and I should have applied for my leave 6 weeks in advance. She replied to him (and I think she enjoyed herself doing it) by explaining that Bobbie's illness is not predictable. Sometimes Bobbie is quite well and then sometimes she is not (all very true). When Bobbie gets worse and needs to see a Consultant, her body doesn't give her 6 weeks' notice so that her mother can apply for leave and, therefore, sometimes Jester can only give a couple of days notice. She did not get a reply.
That's what I love about resource planners. They never let you down.
My husband was not going to be able to take her, so on Friday I applied for 4 hours annual leave so I could take her. Our Resource Planners refused it, so I told my manager that I would have to take it as unpaid dependant leave. She was fine with that.
Yesterday, I took Bobbie to the clinic. The doctors increased her dose of Ramipril because her kidneys are still leaking protein into her urine. The consultant (not the usual one, who is on holiday) also told her that they are thinking of using Cyclophosphamide, which would suppress her immune system, which is causing all this trouble in the first place, or try a Plasma Interchange, which would entail removing the plasma from her blood and replacing it with new - a sort of human Power-Flush. Bobbie took this all in her stride. I have to say, I am really proud of her.
I went to work as soon as we got home and my manager had a little anecdote waiting for me. She was eager to tell me, it had amused her so much.
That morning, she had e-mailed our Resource Planners and asked them to mark me down as being on dependant leave for the morning. She had received an e-mail back saying that I should have taken it as annual leave. She replied that I had applied for annual leave but it had been refused (by the same resource planner). The reply then came from the head of our Resource Planning Department. He said that hospital appointments are made 6 weeks in advance and I should have applied for my leave 6 weeks in advance. She replied to him (and I think she enjoyed herself doing it) by explaining that Bobbie's illness is not predictable. Sometimes Bobbie is quite well and then sometimes she is not (all very true). When Bobbie gets worse and needs to see a Consultant, her body doesn't give her 6 weeks' notice so that her mother can apply for leave and, therefore, sometimes Jester can only give a couple of days notice. She did not get a reply.
That's what I love about resource planners. They never let you down.
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