Jessica, Magicians and X-Ray Vision

Oh dear. Goodwill Jester has been very gloomy recently. One would have hoped that things would have improved since my last post but they have in fact gone from bad to worse. I work in a small team of high level jesters dealing with high level complaints. Our numbers have been badly depleted over the past few weeks but the amount of work we are dealing with appears to be increasing exponentially. On Monday, I was alone and for a while I was doing the work of 4 people. Our managers drafted in some help but it was still very difficult. Things improved on Tuesday when Goodwill Jessica was in and today Jessica and another high level jester, Goodwill Jackie, were in but we're swimming against the tide at the moment. I spent the entire day getting evidence for our in-house solicitor to use in two upcoming court cases. So I'm very, very stressed indeed. That is why I have not been blogging.

On a lighter note, a week or so ago Jessica showed me an invoice that one of our customers had sent in. It cheered me up briefly and it is time I shared it with others.

The scenario, very briefly, was that our customer had been told he had a blockage in the system, presumably the central heating system. This would not be covered by the policy (like all good insurance companies, we have exclusions and invoke them at every opportunity). The customer was advised to get his own plumber out to find and remove the blockage. The plumber attended. I have no idea what he did but he filled out his job sheet as follows (and I quote it verbatim with a couple of omissions to preserve anonymity):

Blockage in system diagnosed by [The Dark Satanic Mill]. Customer told by ... office that I can tell where blockage is and rectify.

I am not a magician or have the facility of X-Ray vision.

It's lovely that humour is not dead but the really wonderful thing about this is that the plumber could spell - marvellous!

Jester, Blogging and Jay

When I started this blog (inspired by the plight of my friend Jay), I thought that I would have plenty of material to blog about. I was not wrong and material comes from all directions where I work. So I have blogged about my colleagues, our equipment and occasionally our contractors. I also blogged about something completely non-work related in my last two outings but I've decided to come back to the place where I feel most comfortable, the Dark Satanic Mill.

First of all, though, Jay. He has still not been told the upshot of his disciplinary hearing and unfortunately, the cracks are beginning to show. He's now off work with stress and I'm missing him. Jay is gay; he's as camp as a row of tents and I love him to pieces. I have always got on well with gay men. Maybe it's because we can leer at the same people or maybe there is a deeper, psychological reason. I don't know, I just know I get on with them. Jay is also somebody I can talk to and I can tell him anything, which is great. So I'm missing him and I wish that they would sort this all out soon so he can come back to work and we can resume our conspiratorial little chats. I did check on the Internet to see if the Satanic Mill has a time frame in which to make a decision but, as far as I am aware, now the wheels are in motion, they can keep turning as long as the company sees fit. I will keep you updated as and when anything happens.

Jester, Delusions and Health Visitors

I closed a complaint yesterday. Actually, I probably closed more than one but this one was significant. It had posed me a really difficult question. At what point does an untruth become a lie?

The point is, this particular customer has mental health problems and is delusional and I really did not know what to believe and what to disbelieve. Some of it was hard, proven fact. Like the damage caused to her property by our contractors. Some of it was in her head and not a matter of fact at all - she claims to be a psychological profiler for the police.

I honestly believe that she believed everything she told me but it made it so difficult for me to sift truth from delusion and therefore deal with her complaint. In the end, I gave up. We sorted out the physical damage, some of which may not have been caused by our contractors and I made a gesture of goodwill for the inconvenience etc.

Well, this got me thinking yesterday. I was trying to work out if some of the claims she had made were based in fact. For instance, one where she said that the contractors had sneaked up to her door, pushed a card through and then legged it for the van and driven off at speed so they wouldn't need to go in and do any work.

I don't think that is normal behaviour for our engineers. They don't get paid as much if they don't go in the house and money is a ruling motive for us all. Then I remembered our Health Visitor from all those years ago. She used to do the same thing. We'd be pottering around the house and we'd hear the letterbox go. The card would be on the doormat saying she'd called but nobody had been at home. That brought a wave of nostalgia although why I should feel nostalgic about somebody who wanted nothing to do with me or my children, I don't know.

Well, to bring this pointless blog to an end. I plucked a figure out of the air and offered it to her as a gesture of goodwill. She asked me to increase it by a certain amount and I did, readily. The complaint is now closed but I do get the impression she will ring me again. I think she enjoyed our chats. I know I did and she's a lovely lady, delusional or not. She's going to send me some of her poems as a thankyou and I'm really looking forward to receiving them. I will treasure them for the rest of my life.

Oh and by the way. She wasn't lying. She believed every word she told me.